J

who am i to judge you?

2009-12-26T06:50:56Z

yeah its just how i feel.

otherwise, merry christmas everyone! filling you guys with all my love, ho ho ho!

I found the pieces in my hand
They were always there
It just took some time for me to understand
You gave me words I just can't say
So if nothing else
I'll just hold on while you drift away
Cause everything you wanted me to hide
Is everything that makes me feel alive

justinenf @ 2009-12-21T21:48:00

2009-12-21T13:48:28Z

had pa tea session yesterday, and it was really really fun. jj walked home with me after that and i'm so so tired i have no idea why i couldn't sleep till midnight. watched true blood and i'm almost done with it (sadly) but i'm going on to vampire dairies after that!

seriously i'm sick of this shit. i hate myself for needing people but they're never there for me, even if they said they will be. guess i'm just a pathetic girl. finally realised how some people only come to me when they need me, and they've had their share of fun, they shove me aside and treat me like i'm nothing but a substiute. sometimes i gotta admit this is why i hate myself for trusting everyone so easily. and what do i get in return? a slap in my face.

if you take pity on me, i hate you. i'm going back to do my essays, if you're not going to help, do yourself a favour and avoid this snappy girl here.

justinenf @ 2009-12-13T22:42:00

2009-12-13T14:42:30Z

completed my marathon this year! i really can't wait for standard chartered marathon 2010 to be here! plus, i'm anticipating all the upcoming triathlons and marathons! so exciting. watched new moon with deejee and melia yesterday, it was a terrible terrible show, the book is a million times better, although the only consolation was that taylor lautner was hot as anything, beyond my wildest dreams HAHA

sigh. i'm going through a rough patch now, i'm feeling so useless nowadays, i should be doing something fun after a's right? but no, i'm sticking to completing my uni apps, and i'm going to do it the best i've ever done, i'm not going to let anything hold me back, i really want to prove that i'm not someone who gives up easily. anyway, I'M DONE WITH SAT II AND ACT. HAH beetchez! eat my dust! went to supperclub (boring much?) then to butter yesterday.

thank you gavin and andy for saving my life/butt last night when 2 guys tried to get to me. you guys rocks. won't club without you guys HAHA <3

aishiteru.

2009-12-04T13:59:18Z

the idea of doing what you love is of no use to you if you’re unsure what you want and love. and nobody else can tell you what you love – the whole point of doing what you love is that you’re doing what YOU love, rather than the things other people tell you you should love. but while you can’t learn what you love from other people, you can learn how to meet your true self and discover what you love for yourself. there are lots of ways to discover what you love, and one of the most unexpected routes to discovering what you love is through your fear.

this is not happening. i won't believe it. i'm not going to let you destroy my dreams, i don't want to end up like you, i want to do what you didn't have the chance to, you're not stopping me this time. i'm begging myself to put in all i can, before its too late.

it really hurts, as though i was stabbed. i'm not letting it affect my sats tomorrow. i promised myself. i'm not listening. i'll show you i'm a tough weed afterall.

finding your happiness.

2009-12-03T18:26:10Z

We won't let what other people do affect our own happiness. But what about our own actions? Many people pass through life doing things they hate and tell themselves they have to do them or that they have no choice.

i wonder, can you find your happiness? will thinking about that someone every minute of your life bring you happiness? is knowing that the one you love has found happiness enough? will you find happiness in the happiness of the one you truly love? what does it mean to be happy? i guess everyone has their own way of being happy, some are contented by watching from the sidelines, but some want to be in the game. as much as i want to be the star of the match, it brings me satisfaction to just watch from the sidelines, knowing the one i love is happy.

i'm numb to this feeling called love. i really don't know what this is. its something.... i don't wish to acknowledge. yet.

still up and its 2.30am. think i'm bombarded by my own thoughts. i should spare myself this torture.

princess J, S, i had a great time today, i love you guys! princess, heart-to-heart talks really made me happy, thank you so much! you're the best (:

私の心はなぜ痛んでいますか？

i love britney spears and i'm not embarrassed

2009-12-02T10:37:40Z

SATS VERY STREZZFUL i'm almost going to keel myself. im so scared im going to pee in my shorts, i wasn't even this nervous for a's! way to go J! busy busy, going for training, going for PA meeting, going to meet S and J, studying for SAT and ACT, doing college applications (MEGA HEADACHE), helping my sister in law with her blogshop. tired. really am.

This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

learn to fly!

2009-11-29T13:28:20Z

IN THE MIDST OF FIGHTING LIFE'S BATTLES, RELAX.

one thing i've learnt is that panicking isn't going to make things any better. the situation i'm in right now, this moment, this second, sucks. with a terribly written application essay and less than 24 hours left to the deadline, i'm really in deeeeep shit. but i guess i work better when i'm relaxed, though i've always been the last-minute-sally. but yea screw that, it's how i work best. i'm going to finish up my essay, send it to adi, and hopefully he's not going to kill me for what i wrote. and i must thank adi for always telling me to relax whenever i'm feeling stressed. it's a good remedy!

okay guess what, TOMORROW'S THE LAST DAY FOR A'S. TELL ME, AM I GOOD OR WHAT?! I'VE MADE IT THIS FAR, AND I RULE. (; i'm soooooo excited!

tick tock on the clock

2009-11-27T10:46:43Z

In seeking happiness for others, you find it for yourself.

adi's package. there's a lot and i mean a lot of pocky in there! oh my tian i was like shocked when i opened it. thank youuuu!

after exams, s and i went out! it was super uber fun and tiring, spent a bomb buying clothes heh heh

presents from s, nez, jenny and frank! LOVE THEM SO MUCH (:

my burberry bag :D

went back for st.nicks sports day with s on wednesday. i miss st.nicks so much.

I MISS CHEERLEADING. think i'm gonna do it again in college! :D

only fools run away. i choose to stay.

2009-11-22T14:08:45Z

happy birthday, J

wow i can't believe time flew by so quickly, one minute we were having fun during orientation, and the next, we're all grown up, done with a's, and moving on with life. one on hand, i'm so relieved to have finished a's, on the other, part of me doesn't want this to end. junior college life has been the best years i've had so far, and by saying that i'm eliminating the bad times. i choose to forget the bad things that happened, because i believe that i wouldn't be who i am today, and where i am today if everything didn't happen like it did.

i have a few resolutions now that i'm older, and hopefully, more matured.

1. okay i have to lose my eating disorder. i've been eating way too much, and i believe its called binge eating haha. okay whatever, i'm going to control my stupid cravings.

2. i'm going to work hard for my dreams, be it princeton, stanford, designing, winning another competition, i'm going to put in the best i can ever put in.

3. change my attitude towards life. i'm not taking anything for granted anymore, well at least i'll do my very best to.

4. put in effort to train, for golf, and for triathlon, i'm not going to say i'm lazy anymore. the word lazy shall be omitted from my brains hahaha

i'm really really so blessed to have all my friends, you guys are my life. i can't imagine life without you all. thank you, all, for being here for me.

phew had too much cake for my own good, but shows i'm so loved!

xoxo, J

gives me hope

2009-11-19T14:22:27Z

I saw this on GMH, its so sweet (:

My first year of university was quite difficult, as I was away from loved ones and living in a new city. My boyfriend would spend countless nights on the phone with me, providing words of hope and encouragement. He once spent an entire night on the phone with me and later admitted he wrote a final exam that morning. His love GMH!

phew major papers are almost over, i'm left with just 3 more papers and i'm free! omg you cannot imagine how i excited i can be, i'm already planning to bake cupakes and cookies and shopping and training and flying away! hahaha okay but first, i'm going to complete my college applications, study for SAT II and ACT, get good grades in those, then i'll go crazy doing whatever i want to do (: ahhh the taste of freedom, its on the tip of my tongue, i feel it! hmm okay at least i felt like i didn't screw up physics today. but i'm not going to think about it anymore!

ogay, i'm going back to doing my UC application essay, i'm pretty sure what i wrote in my first draft was nonsence since i wrote it half awake, but i'm going to write over it and try not to laugh at myself. i know, pocky's gonna keep me going! omg, pocky is my life. i'm going to bring cartons of them with me wherever i'm going. heehee and you can't stop me!

mabel's coming back soon! yay!

COME ON ECONS, GIMME MAH A.

endlessly to be true to you

2009-11-13T13:18:33Z

its here its almoist here! i've been anticipating the day for the past 2 years! the last days of a'ssss baby! J, S and i are gonna go crazy shopping and running around doing stupid stuff after their bio paper i really can't wait (:

i can't wait to get back to training for triathlon and golf, my butt is itching from lack of training! coachieee i miss you! okay i should be studying now, given that i really can't remember shingz about my physics. oh boy am i so dead. is it me or does stress alleviate my metabolism rate? IM HUNGRY RIGHT AFTER EATING A LOT FOR DINNER. shitz getting pui here. OKAY STOP EATING STOP EATING!

i want my As, please cambridge please have mercy on econs paper. make it up for keeling my on math. ahh-men.

i'm seriously very, very bored and reatrded. i camwhored on my own! awesome 50+ pictures of myself HAHA (shit and i'm supposed to be studying.

FREAK I JUST SAW THE ANSWERS FOR A'S MATH. FREAKING GG ALREADY. MY A IS GONE ):

justinenf @ 2009-11-12T21:41:00

2009-11-12T14:00:33Z

i really don't know what i want for my birthday. i just want to be happy (: and of course, make it to princeton (or maybe stanford)

maybe if i believe, maybe it'll change everything

2009-11-11T13:20:38Z

i know i shouldn't be posting now, nor should i be online at the point in time. tomorrow's chem paper 3 and im so unprepared. i really hate it when i start regretting not studying sooner. i want my A for chem, i really want it ):

anyway, adi, if you're reading this, i'll show you what makes me smile wide HAHA (inside joke) p.s. IM VERY TEMPTED TO UPLOAD YOUR PICS! :D

hoping for a moment that i turn around and you'll be coming after me

2009-10-18T11:36:47Z

Something must have made you so mad, what can I do to make you say come back to me

the stress level is keeling me ): i can't believe its just 3 weeks away!

And I'll be here in the morning if you say stay, if you say stay to me

what about now?

2009-10-15T05:47:10Z

sigh what a day to end my 2 years in acjc, with my form teacher telling me indirectly that i shouldn't be applying to princeton and cornell because the people who go there are smart etc. my 2 years in acjc never ended on a good note.

“Shout for joy, O barren one, you who have borne no child; Break forth into joyful shouting and cray aloud, you who have not travailed; for the sons of the desolate one will be more numerous than the sons of the married woman, says the Lord.
Enlarge the place of your tent; stretch out the curtains of you dwellings, spare not; lengthen your cords and strengthen your pegs. For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left. And your descendants will possess nations and will resettle the desolate cities.” Isaiah 54:1-3

Are things not going the way you would like them? Has someone made you angry? Have your dreams been trampled? Has some trial knocked on the door of your life? Let me encourage you to “Shout for joy!” When it comes to suffering, disappointments, and shattered dreams it’s easy to withdraw into our own world and seek from others what they cannot give. There comes a time in our life when we learn to trust God and draw our life from Him.

Dealing with suffering or disappointment we need to understand this world is not our final home. Jesus has promised to wipe away every tear. One day the Lord will make things right. It’s not some hopeful thinking but is more real than this life we live. We put so much focus on “this life”. Yet this life has no guarantees. Jesus told the disciples not to let their hearts be troubled. He told them He was going ahead of them to prepare a place for them. I believe that place He has gone to prepare is indescribable. Jesus will keep his promise.

Becoming transformed in times of trouble. Storms will come and will shake our worlds. Jesus said in this life you will have trouble. In the book of James he writes to us to consider it joy when you face trials of many kinds. Why? Because it’s in those times that our faith is tested and the testing develops perseverance. Peter writes, “though for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trails, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” There are many trials that can knock on your door. Yet in that time your faith in Him will be revealed and will grow. Your faith will become pure. Paul tells us in Romans that as followers of Jesus we can know that everything is used by God and is working for our good.

We learn to trust the Father’s love. Christianity becomes real in trials. It’s really not about some ritual. It’s not about church attendance, how involved in some program we are. It’s about discovering our Father who loves us so much. I’ve been through a few storms in my life. Some of them have been very difficult. Yet now I’m starting to recognize when we “walk through the valley of the shadow of death” we really do not have to fear any evil. The reason is because He is with me. My favorite Psalm is Psalm 139. The Psalmist is says, “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, and the light around me will be night, even the darkness is not dark to You, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You.” Our dark moments are not dark to Him. The Lord also is not indifferent in our dark moment. He is right there with us and gently leading us all the way. Isaiah even goes on to say that he bore our griefs and carried our sorrows.

As difficult as it may seem we can shout for joy in our distress. We can enlarge our tents for more of Him. We do this not because we are great or to display our great faith. We do this because He is great and we open up our lives for more of Him. He is good. He can be trusted. He is my life. He is your life. Do not fear.

you're a revolution

2009-10-13T15:20:18Z

"If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."
-- Edward Cullen

just got off the phone with S. she and i were arguing about tuition haha it was so funny how she kept screaming at me about having nothing to ask our tutors.

I SHOULD STOP FACEBOOKING. if you're a friend, please scream at me each time you see me on facebook (until the end of a's). i should sleep early tonight. i did 2 Princeton essays today and went crazy trying to figure out Stanford's question on "which historical moment do you wish you witnessed?" i was like, hmmmm WORLD WAR II?

Jesus died for you, why not live for him?

2009-10-12T13:37:50Z

the last lap. the very last push. come on friends, we all can do this together. to S, if you read this, i'm here for you, don't give up. remember how we joked that we should take the exam together because whatever each of us can't do, the other can? we'll both be able to do it all in the end : )

think postive.

i leave you friends, with a verse i feel will bring you hope.

Proverbs 16 verses 1-4:
The plans of the mind belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.
All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit.
Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.
The Lord has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble.

justinenf @ 2009-10-10T14:58:00

2009-10-10T07:05:19Z

had SAT this morning. i'm writing my Princeton application essay now, and i'm blabbering my thoughts as thought the question is "blabber your thoughts in no less than 500 words". oh boy, am i so screwed. so many things to do ): i have to even draft the recommendation letter that apparently my teachers are supposed to wirte. i can't believe i'm recommending myself. sometimes i wonder, what do the deans want to hear from you? is it really your perspective that they're searching for? somehow i feel many are concerned they aren't writing what they think the deans want to hear, and i think i'm falling into that category. i'm losing my point of view.

i need to find out what i really want out of life. so often when people ask me, "so what are you going to major in?" or "what is your career scope?", i get dumbfounded, the many answers i have to those questions start flooding my mind and before i know it, i'm giving 3,4 or maybe 5 anwers. gahh can't stand stand myself.

Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. Head of the Norwegian Nobel Committee Thorbjoern Jagland said Obama was honoured "for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples," what do you all think about him winning it? i think its unneccesary to a certain extent. then again, i may be wrong.

purrrrfect lover

2009-10-07T14:13:58Z

fuggggggg math >:( grr damn angry stupid differential shitz. oh mai god i'm so stressed i want can go bald.

one more week of school. wheeeeee.

i'm working towards my goal, i've already made up my mind. i hope its not too late, but at the end of the day, at least i know i tried. (: miss pang has been quite nice about helping me out, although i think she's going to start nagging at me for applying to the schools i have on my list now :| SIGH I NEED SUPPORT YO. i'm in the midst of memorising 500 SAT vocab words and my brains are at maximum buffer hahahha

3 DAYS TO SAT zzz

i've got the joy, i've got the melody

2009-10-05T11:11:15Z

i'm getting fatter. i need to put poison in sinful food that i love eating hahaha.

my hands are trembling, my heart feels like its missing, my mind, as though its been through a typhoon. maybe this is a test of my will power, a test of my faith in God, a test of my character. j came over to study today, but s' dad doesn't let her study out of school ): 9 days to baccalaureate, oh no! means just over a month to finals. oh mai tian!

after watching the secret, i really feel motivated. i'm going to do this, and get into my dream school. if i get there, i'll let you know (:

POSITIVE YO.

you're deciphering me

2009-10-02T09:28:02Z

i'm allergic to something, much! i'm itching all over ): i think i've got hives holy smock.

took the bus home with J today, both of us slept for the longest time, unglam max. but i'm so tried i feel like i'm carrying the world on my shoulders, my eyelids feel like they have 10kg weights pinned onto them, my legs are unable to work against gravity, and my heart so weary. it's brutal, what school is doing to us now. but somehow i'm starting to feel, that i've come too far to even think of giving up. just 2 more months, and it'll be over.

perseverance is king.

uni minnesota was at ac today, i'm feeling... confused.

decode

2009-09-30T16:24:14Z

i don't even know what i'm doing here. all i want to do is sleep and never wake up. maybe you're right, maybe i am a fucked up person. maybe you should remind me more often about that.

what can i say, the day was bad enough to make me want to run away from everything, the further the better. my day was possibly the worst this year, everything bad just happened to me today, and this last straw, this had it, i couldn't keep it in anymore. i told myself i'm strong, that i can keep it in. but i'm just a weakling. i can't do this, i can't, it's just too far beyong my capabilities. i can't keep breaking down like this. i can't believe you could say that. i really can't believe you.

going to look like a zombie in school. don't even want to go to school.

i'm going to laugh about this.

maybe one day....

2009-09-28T14:05:39Z

i don't know what i'm doing, i don't know what the hell i'm doing. today is just ): i h8 school, i h8 exams. 43 days to A's and i'm still as stupid as ever.

studied today with J Tinkerbell and S, well at least i did work. i like studying with them <3 i need encouragement, i need support. it's all i ask for now. i really need to start thinking forward.

heellllllllllllloooooo horsey ♥

2009-09-26T09:39:36Z

went to the ferrari brunch event today at red dot with john and i'm officially in love with the new ferrari california. i couldn't get my eyes off it. oh my tian............... love at first sight.

how can you not love this baby? john was like bored or something while i oogled over it haha sorry john! went to asaki for lunch after that (: nom nom it was goood. i'm going to sob over my dreams of getting the ferrari being shattered. one day, you'll see, i'm getting this baby, maybe something even nicer.

ferrari paradise (:

i'm a kicker ;)

2009-09-25T04:38:59Z

i'm not hungry but i'm eating ): boooo but who can resist haagen dazs! i'm a fatty bom bom and i'm cool like that

gave school a miss today because my allergy reaction got really bad and dad said i should stay at home and rest. my joints hurt, they're swelling and red. i'm utterly disgusted with meself. ugh ugly.

watching jennifer's body and doing math at the same time. megan fox is soooooooooo hot, but math ruined the climax. i love megan fox